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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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You
could be busy for most of the day. Just when you get things running
smoothly, a monkey wrench could be thrown into your machinery. It
could come in the form of a rush order or a change in your procedures.
There's a good chance you'll be horrible disfigured in an accident
involving farm equipment. Don't doze off! |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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You
could get interested in working soon. That's good because something
that you thought you had figured out might go awry. What an idiot.
You never cease to amaze people with how stupid you can be. You fuck
up everything you get your hands on. Just sit down and let someone
who actually knows what the fuck they're doing handle it. Asshole. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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You
may feel like you're pouring money down a rat hole. A household project
could cost more than you think it should. Instead of cutting frills,
why not start a fire in the house and collect on the insurance. Be
careful. Gasoline fires leave a tell tale residue. Use paper to get
that blaze going! |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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TYou'll
get a lot done, early. You're in a high-speed mood. When you're like
that, time seems to stand still. You can smell colors and occasionally
your hand will 'melt' into the wall. You've taken too much. Just try
and relax. This could last for up to 12 hours. |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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You
may finally start to understand what's going on. You're not stupid;
it's just that when you were a little kid, they used lead paint in
your house and now you just don't think as fast as the rest of us.
This is going to only get worse as you get older so you may as well
get used to it. |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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You
and a group of people are about to put your plans into effect. All
you need is a little more money and since you're such a retard, the
only way you're going to get it is by sucking cock. That's right.
Make sure you use protection. A lot of those old guys will like it
if you can put the condom on with your mouth. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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You
may have been putting up with something an older person wanted you
to do. You've been as nice as you can, but you're just about fed up.
You don't have to let that old crippled fucker push you around. Put
rat poison in their food. If they’re eon any type of medication,
switch it with sugar pills. Once they're immobilized, you can tie
them to the bed and torture them for weeks. Fuckers. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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Travel
plans could be stalled. You can make a connection with a group of
people early in the day, but you may have to take care of yourself
later. A dentist's appointment? Making yourself the top priority is
good every once in a while. Especially when your breath stinks as
bad as it does. Don't you ever brush your teeth? It's horrible. It
smells like burning rubber in your mouth. You're so disgusting. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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You need to be
careful, move slowly and pay attention. If you can figure out how
to use somebody else's money to make a big purchase, do it. That
should be a better deal than spending your own. Most people just
pay those credit card bills without looking at the individual purchases
if they don't appear unusually large. Better to pay in installments
so they won't notice.
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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Just
about the time you relax, you might have a pop quiz. Keep the facts
right at your fingertips. Keep plenty of ether on hand too. If that
cop starts poking around again, you may have to get rid of him. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You
may want to play, but you can't get away. Make your date for Friday
night but make the call right now. A lot of escort services require
a couple days notice unless you just want some skank whore. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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You
might want to buy a nice gift for somebody you care about. Once you
find out how much it costs, however, you could change your mind. Fuck
them. You've got better things to spend six bucks on than a stupid
gift. What the fuck were you thinking? |
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