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June
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July
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August
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September
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October
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November
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December
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Friday
February 3, 2006
By
Evil Sarah
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February
2006 |
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19 |
You're
creative now. You have the ideas, but not the money. This should be
noticeable as you try to make changes to your home. What will also
be noticeable is that you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.
Your home is starting to look like a real piece of crap. |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20 |
You're
struggling with something. Is there a lot of noise and confusion at
home? You may have to go somewhere else if you can't find any peace
and quiet there. Maybe you can just put your foot down or maybe you
should get a place of your own. It's you're fault that your parents
don't love each other anymore. |
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Aries
March
20- April 19 |
You
and your friends have lots of wonderful plans, but hold on. Are you
talking this project to death? You're just going to the movies. Give
it a rest already. It's not like you're even doing anything cool.
You guys are all a bunch of nerds. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20 |
You
don't have enough of a certain necessity to do what you'd like for
somebody else. You don't have enough of that same necessity to even
help your self. You suck. Why don't you go jump in a lake? |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21 |
You
want to try something new, but an older person puts a lid on your
enthusiasm. Learn from their mistakes. And don't try everything you read about on the Internet. That thing with Richard Geere and the gerbil wasn't true, you freak. |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22 |
You're
probably thinking about your money and how to make it grow. You shouldn't
be worried about your money as much as you should be worried about
your genitals. You've got unusually small genitals. Call in sick Friday. |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23 |
Your
partner or an expert you've hired has taken control of the situation.
You'll soon be phased out and they will get credit for all of the
work you've done up to this point. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22 |
Service
is the key to your success, your mental and physical well-being, and
just about everything else. By service, we mean sex.
That's the only reason people tolerate you. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22 |
You
can express yourself well, but don't get glib; somebody could take
offense. Just because your Dad uses the "N" word in just
about every sentence doesn't make it right, you illiterate, racist
redneck. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22 |
You want to
fix up your place, but you and your sweetheart can't agree on how
it should be done. Beat him or her with a length of garden hose
until they agree with your point of view. If that doesn't work,
get a different sweetheart. |
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21 |
You
need some time for contemplation. How about those books you've meant
to read? How about all the trash you've meant to take out. How about
that ugly thing on your face that you've meant to get fixed? Contemplate
that first. You look like some kind of a sideshow freak. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You're
practicing, studying and polishing your skills but you're not improving.
You know why? It's called 'lack of talent'. Give up. |
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