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January
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February
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March
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April
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May
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June
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July
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August
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September
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October
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Decembere
2002
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S
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M
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T
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W
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T
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F
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S
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1
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3
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4
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5
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6
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7
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8
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10
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11
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12
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13
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14
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15
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17
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18
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19
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20
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21
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22
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24
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25
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26
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27
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28
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29
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31
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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Although you've been concerned about money, you should be doing ok
now. If you have a retiremant plan, or a 401K, cash it all out today.
Take every penny you own and purchase lottery tickets. You have to
play to win, you know, and with all of those tickets there's no way
you can lose. Whoohoo. Easy street, here you come! |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You're
busy caring for other people, as usual. Maybe you need somebody to
take care of you. A lot of those asian massage parlors are really
just fronts for prostitution. Why not check one of them out? You'll
probably at least get a hand job if you tip her well and assure her
you're not a cop. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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You
like to stay in control, but that can be expensive. That fucking Prozac
is costing you a small fortune. It's getting to the point that you'd
rather be crazy than fork out all of the moey for that shit, no matter
how good it makes you feel. |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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Some
people say you shouldn't work with family members because of possible
disagreements and hurt feelings. This is especially true if you work
doing a two-girl show at bachelor parties. It's just going to lead
to trouble and really, it's pretty gross. |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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Putting up a barn? A hot tub on the patio? Well, guess what? You have
no idea what you're doing you dumbass, and if you're too cheap to
call a contractor, the deck will collapse and people could get seriously
hurt. Quit being so cheap. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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You may be in a rather pensive mood. You want to think, read and ponder
things. While you're sitting there, goofing off, some young hotshot
is eyeing your job. You better get off your lazy ass and do some work
if you know what's good for you. |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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How
are you going to make enough money? You want to do something, but
you can't afford it. Well, selling crack is a good way to start. People
will sell their souls for just one more hit off the pipe. This could
be your yellow brick road to riches. |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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You'll be strongest in the morning. You're likely to get more pensive
as the day goes on. Do you ever go shopping just to feel better? Be
careful. It would be better if you went shop-lifting instead to boost
your spirits. It won't cost you anything and it's such a rush. |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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Prepare a lesson plan first thing so you'll know exactly what you
want. When you make your presentation to the group, they'll be glad
to go along with your ideas if you're standing there naked and fully
aroused. You'll be large and in charge, just the way you like it.
But first, get ready! Fluff up! |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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You
and your group have plans. Everybody's been full of good ideas, but
that's not enough. You are going to need some more guns to put this
plan into effect. Remember, they send one of yours to the hospital,
you send one of theirs to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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Be respectful of authority figures. Once you make a good impression,
you'll be in with an important crowd. Then you can start to undermine
them and turn them against eachother. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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How are you
going to accomplish what you want? Cheating, that's how. All of
the most successful people out there got where they are by cheating.
They tell you it's hard work and dedication in school so you'l remain
meek and more easilly manipulated by the people that actually know
what's going on. You're such a sucker. I can't beleive you didn't
know that.
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