Fugly
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2002
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:

Monday
December 23, 2002

By: Sarah
Decembere 2002
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Aquarius

Aries

Cancer

Capricorn

Gemini

Leo

Libra

Pisces

Sagittarius

Scorpio

Taurus

Virgo
Capricorn
Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You could run every which way, trying to keep up with a tough schedule. Your communications network should work well, so use it. Use it to call 911 after you get mugged and stabbed in the throat later this afternoon.
Aquarius
Jan. 20 - Feb. 19
 This isn't just a tough day for you; it's tough for everybody. As usual, it's all your fault. Don't you think it might be easier for everyone if you were gone? They sure do.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - March 20
 Your biggest annoyances are the distractions. They could keep you from doing the most important thing. Eating. Eating is your number one priority and believe me, it shows. You've really let yourself go these last few years and it's starting to affect your health. Besides that, you look like shit now. Try to lose some weight, tubby.
Aries
March 20- April 19
 Confusion today involves your work. You may be anxious to get started, but don't jump the gun. New information could change the way you do the job or even the job you do. Take those threatening phone calls seriously. Someone is planning to kill you.
Taurus
April 19 - May 20
 The best intentions in the world won't make up for common sense. You have loads of the former and not much of the latter. Do you understand what we're telling you, you stupid idiot? Nobody wants your help. You are nothing but trouble and your meddling just pisses people off. Jerk.
Gemini
May. 21 - Jun. 21
 Just when you thought things were settling down, something else flares up. We're not talking about your job or your love life. We're talking about Hemorrhoids. It will feel like someone packed your colon with hot coals. You'll have blood running down the inside of your thighs by the end of the day. To top things off, you'll ruin a perfectly good pair of pants.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
 Financially, things are likely to turn upside down. Something that you thought would work, won't. Luckily, love's on your side. With that going for you, who cares about that other stuff? Keep telling your self that while you're standing in the soup line, loser.
Leo
July 22 - Aug. 23
 Today is a worse day for gambling than yesterday - in the morning, anyway. You better wait until afternoon to play your numbers. Then, bet the farm on it! Play numbers '666'. That's right. You've got the devil on your side today. All he wants in return is your soul. What a deal! Your soul isn't worth a shit!
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
 You might find your forward movement thwarted, but don't give up. You don't even know what the hell 'thwarted' means do you? That's ok. Just watch some more TV or take a nap, stupid.
Libra
Sept. 22 - Oct. 22
 Postpone travel plans until later. Ask your friend to visit you, instead. Postpone work until later. Borrow more money from your parents instead. Postpone bathing or brushing your disgusting teeth until later too. Why not? You're a jobless disgusting mess and you're not going anywhere. You suck. You should seriously think about killing yourself today.
Scorpio
Oct. 22 - Nov. 22

Somebody you care about might need a shoulder to cry on. The best thing for you to do is to avoid this person for as long as you can. You don't want some sniveling crybaby taking up all of your time with their stupid problems. You've got better things to do.

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
 A lot of talk is going on, and you'll be tempted to participate. That's not a good idea. Most of the talk is about you and what a nut-case you are. You won't be able to participate in this conversation. Instead, spend the day talking to yourself like you usually do.
 
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