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January
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February
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March
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April
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May
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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Friday
November 24, 2000
By LT Jackson
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November
2000
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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It's a good
day to teach what you know. Your friends will be fascinated at just
how fucking stupid one human being can be. Trust me they're laughing
AT you, not with you.
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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The
sense of grim foreboding you awoke with may still be there. You may
feel overwhelmed by a difficult task. Where are you going to find
20 bucks for today's fix? Nobody said life was gonna be easy. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You
have it relatively easy right now. You could lap the pack, making
it difficult for others to catch up. That's right! Who else do you
know who's had sex with 40 different people in one day? I bet your
parents are so proud of you! Whore. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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You
may feel inhibited and stifled, with good reason. No one seems to
understand the way you choose to express yourself. Although you call
it art, smearing your own feces all over your body is just gross.
Take a bath, stinky. |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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I
was the one who killed your dog. I sold it to a Vietnamese restaurant.
Sorry about that. |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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This
sure is a shitty Friday, isn't it? A critical co-worker makes you
do the job over and over until it's perfect. Don't complain; that'll
get back to the boss. Instead, jerk-off in there coffee mug. But be
careful for hidden cameras, or you'll be on "Caught on Tape number
12". |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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Make
plans with your family for your next project. You're a creative bunch,
especially this week. All you really have to work out is, who's gonna
shoot mom and dad, and who's gonna bury there old asses? Just make
sure the wills are up to date. |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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The
less said, the better. Keep your head down and listen. A person who's
generally secretive might confide in you. That's what usually happens
when you dress like a priest and hang out in confessionals. Just don't
get caught jerking-off this time, scumbag. |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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The
information you're learning helps you express yourself. You just knew
all those nights at the firing range would make you "more of a
man"? Now go out, walk the streets, find a group of people and
express your new skills! |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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You
might profit by gathering up money that other people owe you. To succeed,
you won't have to think quickly; just be stubborn. A handgun wouldn't
hurt either. We know what kind of dirt bag filth you hangout with. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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You're
strong, so carefully calculate your next move. If you're not sure
what will happen if you push button "A," push it anyway. Besides;
if something bad happens, you'll have a cool nickname like "nubby"
Or "the guy that used to have 10 fingers". |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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Don't
talk much about your finances. Just stash away as much as you can,
for later. You'll find a good use for it. Like bail when you get busted
for your child-porn website, sicko. |
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