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January
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February
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March
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April
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May
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November
2000
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S
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M
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T
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W
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T
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F
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S
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2
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3
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4
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5
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6
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7
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8
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9
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10
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11
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12
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13
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14
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15
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17
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18
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19
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20
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21
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22
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23
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25
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26
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27
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28
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29
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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You
could get more work soon - and even more money. It's not easy yet,
but at least it's finally lucrative. Just keep doing what you're doing
and have faith. It's hard for you to walk and even harder for you
to control your bowels, but this is going to pay off, eventually.
.Maybe. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You're
in the catbird seat. That's partially because you're just so darned
good-looking. That's what you think, anyway. One thing's for
sure. It has absolutely nothing at all with your personality.
You're an asshole. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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Something
you've been thinking about doing for a long time can finally happen.
It's not due to luck; it's from your hard work. It's takes a special
kind of person to dig a 15-foot pit in their basement and you've proved
you have what it takes. Now, all you need to do is cruise the playgrounds
and get yourself some companionship. You've worked hard! Go for
it! |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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You
love to be helpful, and you've got the opportunity to help out a lot.
Your experience is something the others are relying upon to achieve
their goals. In other words, you'll continue to be taken advantage
of and other people will get credit for your hard work, as usual.
Sucker. |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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Your
initial effort might not go as well as planned. You can achieve your
goal through an older person's help. Or. you can achieve your goals
through an older person's death. 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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Don't
be stopped by the first problem that gets in your way. If you persist,
you can succeed. Don't be surprised if you run into a snag this morning.
Don't be surprised if you run into a couple parked cars and then into
a playground full of children this afternoon either, you drunk. |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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You
need to follow through on something you've promised. This may be as
simple as paying back a debt. It might be as complicated as a written
confession. Either way, avoid it like you do everything else. People
should know not to believe anything you tell them by
now. It's really their problem, not yours. |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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Something
you've been thinking about doing could work out well. Hahahah! Yeah,
right! |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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More
work comes in, but the money's not showing up yet. Keep doing what's
required and don't complain. Do a little more than what's required,
and you're payback will be more generous. It won't all be in money,
though. About 99% of it will be in the form of a shitty fountain pen
or some worthless trophy. When are you going to realize that you're
just a tool? Call in sick tomorrow. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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You
can get through better than just about anybody today. This gives you
an advantage. Traveling with your sweetheart to a favorite place should
work well. Show her how much you love her and have dinner while you're
out there. Afterward, show her what a man you are and have your way
with her, whether she likes it or not. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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You
may be bothered by domestic matters, and who wouldn't be, living in
the dump that you do? You want to change or fix something, but you
only want the best. You can't afford it. Not now. Not ever. Forget
about it, and just keep drinking to dull the pain of your shitty life.
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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You're using
new skills, and they're working well. Just be careful. Sometimes
it's a lot easier to get things into your ass than out
of them. Proceed with caution.
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