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Your Fugly WhoreOscope for:
Friday
September 28, 2001
By
Evil Sarah
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September
2001
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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You're
still getting a lot of attention. Is more work coming in? People have
been talking about you, and they're saying very bad things. If you
don't quit doing that shit, someone is going to kick your ass. |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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The
pressure's on to get things done. One of the last stumbling blocks
is finally out of the way. Go ahead and try some of that that smack
you bought the other day. I know that they told you to just snort
it, but hey. It's time to celebrate. Shoot that junk right into your
arm! Whoohoo. Party time! |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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A
group of people you know needs you! They need you for the brunt of
all of their jokes. They need you to poke fun at. They need you to
take advantage of, and they need you to blame things on. Isn't it
nice to feel needed? |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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When
was the last time you called in sick, sat home in your underpants
and drank a case of beer? Oh, wait. It was yesterday, and you didn't
call is sick. You got fired. Why not get off your fat ass and look
for a job today? Fuckhead. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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You
need a little bit of courage and some money, too. You know what needs
to be done; you just weren't sure you could do it. One thing's certain,
though. You'll never know if you don't try. Once you try, then you'll
know for certain that you can't, but until then, in your mind, you
still have a shot at it. You're so stupid. |
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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You're
becoming a pretty good businessperson, or so you think. You may have
thought you didn't have the talent, but who cares? You don't, but
you've got a lot of money to piss away yet. Live it up, and get yourself
some whores. That's what all the other fat cats do. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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You're
spending a lot of money lately, possibly for a partnership. Guess
what. You're going to get taken advantage of, as usual. When will
you ever learn that you just think a lot slower than everyone else?
It's ok. Just quit trying to do things like this and get yourself
a nice fast-food job. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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You
are strong, decisive and bold. That's a nice way of saying pushy,
obnoxious and arrogant. Why don't you quit acting like such an asshole
all the time? |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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Something
is going on behind the scenes. It could end up helping you but since
you talk so fucking much, you're sure to screw it up. Nothing good
will happen to you today. |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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Seems
like you're doing a lot of entertaining lately, especially for you.
47 guys in two days is a lot. You're going to need to ice that thing
up after this week is over. Quit making them wear condoms. The latex
may start to chafe you a little. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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Sometimes
you say you can do something that you don't know how to do. This happens
a lot, since you don't know how to do jack-shit. Quit trying to act
like a big shot. You're stupid. Get used to it. |
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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If
anybody from far away owes you money, give him or her a call. If you
can't get them on the phone, drive out there. If they still won't
pay, beat their face in, and burn down their house. You need to set
an example. |
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