|
|
|
|
February
2001
|
|
S
|
M
|
T
|
W
|
T
|
F
|
S
|
|
_
|
_
|
_
|
_
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
|
4
|
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
|
11
|
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
|
23
|
24
|
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
_
|
_
|
_
|
|
Aquarius
|
Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
|
 |
Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19 |
The
moon be in Scorpio and the Sun be on thu' other side uh da' bars.
You have a real talent for talking your way out of a tough situation,
except when you're in front of a Judge, that is. You're getting a
mandatory 7 years, and for what? Here's a little hint. Sperm
banks do not have that much money. Idiot. |
|
|
|
 |
Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20 |
Ahhhh,
you're new fish. And you're in for parking tickets? I hope you like
the taste of grape jelly and maple syrup. You'll be tossing L.T.'s
salad in no time, cracka ass cracka. |
|
|
|
 |
Aries
March
20- April 19 |
There
are two laws of nature that will become painfully apparent to you
today. First, whatever can go wrong, will. Second, if you drop the
soap standing next to L.T. Jackson, you're ass will be sore for weeks,
muffuggah. |
|
|
|
 |
Taurus
April
19 - May 20 |
A
family dispute could turn ugly. It's probably a good idea to hide
any handguns and ammunition before the police arrive. If you
do happen to shoot a loved one, remember to only wound them.
Who else is going to bail your punk ass outa' County, foo? |
|
|
|
 |
Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21 |
You're
a poor judge of character. What were you thinking? A crack whore is
a piss poor choice for a lookout. Especially when you're trying to
smoke a joint in the poke. Enjoy the next 3 days in D-block, sucka'.
While you're in there, that crack head is gonna steal your mat, blanket
and soap. |
|
|
|
 |
Cancer
June
21 - July 22 |
You
are a shrewd negotiator and you don't take no for an answer. Who else
could manage to trade two full bags of cookies for one wet cigarette?
Now, if you can only find a lighter. Dummy. |
|
|
|
 |
Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23 |
You're
used to the good life, so a sudden change can be a bit uncomfortable.
Don't worry. You look good in an orange jumpsuit. Having trouble sleeping?
Well den' make bond, mufuggah. |
|
|
|
 |
Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22 |
You
fast huh? Almost fast enough to be stealin' L.T.'s milk? Well, L.T.'s
shank is faster den' dat. Sleep tight, beeach. |
|
|
|
 |
Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22 |
Lucky
day, lucky day. Tonight is fried chicken night. I'll trade you my
milk fo a wing. Your lucky number today is, "Q". |
|
|
|
 |
Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22 |
Keep yo head
up dawg, and yo pimp hand heavy. I got some bad news my nigga. While
you be pullin 30 days fo not payin chyl support, A close friend
is pullin his cock outa' yo bitch. Don't sweat it. Not even when
you get the Polaroids of him chillin' in yo crib and playin wiff
yo kids. |
|
|
|
 |
Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21 |
Gott-damm!
Today is yo day! You made inmate trustee. Thass right. You bust your
ass for 30 more days, an whitey will knock 4 days off your 6 month
sentence. Foo. |
|
|
|
 |
Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
|
Sometimes
it's better to keep your mouth shut and your guts warm, but I guess
you're right. It was almost your duty to tell the hacks about dat
shank dat your bunkmate had made. He got 7 days in d-block and you're
gonna get ass-raped by 14 different guys for being a snitch. Nice
trade, bun-boy. |
|
|
|
| |
