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July
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Aquarius
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Aries |
Cancer |
Capricorn |
Gemini |
Leo |
Libra |
Pisces |
Sagittarius |
Scorpio |
Taurus |
Virgo |
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Cancer
June
21 - July 22
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You're
looking good and drawing attention. Go ahead and do what you've planned,
and others will get out of your way. Let's face it. If someone won't
get out of the way of a drunk man, waving a rifle around, they must
want to die. You shouldn't feel bad about what you're
doing at all. You've got it all under control. |
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Leo
July
22 - Aug. 23
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You might
make good money, but don't spend it all on toys. Instead, invest in
your future. Use it to have yourself kryogenically frozen. Then, when
they figure out a way to bring you back, you'll be the one to have
the last laugh. |
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Virgo
Aug.
23 - Sept. 22
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You're
lucky, in most regards. You might even improve your cash flow. Sure,
it's dangerous and degrading, but at 40 to 60 dollars a shot, there
are a lot worse things to do in your spare time than prostitution. |
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Libra
Sept.
22 - Oct. 22
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You may
feel rebellious, but keep that to yourself. Look around. How many
openly homosexual people do you see in your line of work? That's right,
none. I think you know what we're saying. |
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Scorpio
Oct.
22 - Nov. 22
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You've
got things lined up the way you want them. Your partner doesn't have
a clue and he/she never will. Not until those shankers start to appear
on your genitals that is. |
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Sagittarius
Nov.
22 - Dec. 21
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. Be careful
and play by the rules. Do what's expected. If you start fucking around
in a situation like this, you're liable to get everyone shot. Just
keep your stupid mouth shut. |
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Capricorn
Dec.
21 - Jan. 20
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. Travel,
romance and just about everything else are going well. Everything
that is, except that biopsy. Too bad you'll be dead in 3 weeks. |
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Aquarius
Jan.
20 - Feb. 19
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You may
have a test soon, and hopefully you're ready. That shit can show up
in your system for up to 6 weeks, man. You'll never pass. Better start
looking for another job. |
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Pisces
Feb.
19 - March 20
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. Today
you should do well working with a partner. It makes sense. Felching
is a two-man job. Don't get pushed around; let the other person know
what you want. After all, it's your guinne pig damn it! |
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Aries
March
20- April 19
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. Most of
the day you will probably be quite busy. Pay attention; the job needs
to be done perfectly. That's why it's critical that somone other
than you does it. Don't even attempt it. You screw everything
up. You're an idiot. |
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Taurus
April
19 - May 20
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. You're
smart and quick to learn. You're absorbing new information, and you're
able to apply it almost immediately. Methamphetamines are fucking
great, aren't they. Too bad you'll soon be in restraints, muttering
to yourself, wearing nothing but a pair of urine stained underpants.
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Gemini
May.
21 - Jun. 21
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The
Sun is in Cancer and the Moon is going from Virgo to Libra. If you're
trying to figure out how to get a special item for your home, slow
down. Take a deep breath, and forget about it. You're on welfare,
remember? What are you nuts? What do you need ice sculptured penises
for anyway? |
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